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Sad and Lonely | siberia1000's Blog


Today was a day of extremes of emotions. I felt great joy earlier when I was praising God. I had a great AA meeting and really connected with people. I feel I'm being used by God to help people. That makes me feel elated. But things are not so great with my husband lately. He is always irritable and he hardly responds to anything I say. He is repairing our fire damaged house and I understand how stressful that is. I encourage him and pray for him but he is angry all the time and he says hurtful things. I told him he is acting this way and he said he was sorry. Then it started again. When he doesn't give me the time of day I feel lonely. I start to worry about what I may be doing to piss him off. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong. I need some comfort and affirmation . HE is offering none. All last week I was in bed with anxiety related to a mental illness. I told him how I felt and he offered no words of comfort. When he is anxious or sad, I am there for him. I wish he would show me he cares. This is making me very sad. I bought him a stocking and stuffed it with lots of treats and he said nothing. He didn't even thank me. It meant nothing to him. I'm getting sick of this. I'm tired of him acting like it is a bother to talk to me or take me anywhere. Our first wedding anniversary is this Sunday and I'm not even asking him to take me out because I don't want to get a guilt trip over how much it will cost. He earned 4,000 dollars recently and has 1,000 left but won't let me get my hair cut or buy any new clothes at the thrift store. All of my nice clothes burned in the fire. I'm down to 1 pair of rubber boots, a pair of converse tennis shoes, a few cotton sweaters, and a pair of jeans. I don't even have a winter coat. I think I'll just tell him I need the money and let him deal with having to explain turning me down. Let him have the guilt trip for a change. My basic needs are not being met. If I ask him to hold me a bit he acts like I'm taking his precious time away for nothing. It's like the only time he is nice to me is when he is down and depressed. It reminds me of The Smith's lyrics " In the days when you were hopeless and poor, I just liked you more." I tried all night to connect with someone on line. I left encouragement for a depressed guy and he said " I'm an atheist, no thanx." Wow. I didn't even try to push Christianity on him. Maybe he should give God a try. Maybe then he wouldn't be so suicidal. I guess I just need to draw close to God. He is more real than me, isn't he? Talk about Jesus.

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Previous Posts
HOw I spend my time..., posted December 15th, 2012
Sad and Lonely, posted December 13th, 2012

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